Hello everyone and welcome to another blog post!!!

I’ve been gone for a while and honestly, I don’t have a major excuse as to why I haven’t been blogging. Life just got in the way and away from me, causing a lot of creative passions to be pushed to the side, my blog included.

This post is going to be a bit different from my other posts. Instead of discussing something creative or talking about something that I’ve recently been doing, I’m going to let you into my private life and let everyone know what’s been keeping me busy lately.

Let’s get started!!!

College/University

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but I am master’s student studying clinical mental health counseling (a field that has been declared unprofessional, but I digress). I’m in my second semester of the program and even though this semester wasn’t difficult, it was a lot of work.

Something must be wrong with me because instead of taking the recommended number of classes for each semester, I’ve always taken more classes than most of my peers. During the summer semester when I was working full-time at a prison, I took 3 classes when the recommended number was 2. This fall semester, I’ve taken 4 classes when the recommended is once again 2-3 classes.

Next semester, I want to take 5 classes and try to find a part-time job since I had difficulty securing a job this semester (more on this later). The thing is, 5 classes has to be approved by the assistant dean/dean of the school and I’m not certain I’ll make the mark to get the sign off because I’m an accommodations student.

I have mental and physical health conditions that sometimes prevent me from going to class or doing assignments on time, so with the help of documentation and an interview, I was able to receive accommodations at the school so that I can complete my degree and be on the same level as everyone else.

With this being said, I don’t think I’ll make the cut, but I will try my best to plead my case and hopefully be able to take 5 classes. I happen to always feel like I need something to do and the more classes I take, the less free time I’ll have for my mind to overthink, race, or cause a manic episode.

Anyway, long story short, I’m taking more classes than recommended and I’m trying to finish my degree by next year this time. If I can’t, I hope to finish spring 2027. I really just want to get to the supervision and technical parts of my career to see if I made the right decision. There’s so much I want to do in life and I know that even if I don’t stick with therapy, psychology, and counseling, my degree will not be in vain. I will be using it in other mediums in ways some people didn’t think it could be used.

School is a big part of the reason why I’ve been gone because as previously stated, it’s a lot of work, especially the deeper you get into the semester. I believe that I’m putting more pressure on myself to succeed and beat the odds because I wasn’t proud of myself after getting my bachelor’s degree because my GPA wasn’t ideal and I felt like I didn’t do the best work I could’ve done.

This is my chance to start over and prove to myself that I can earn the GPA I want and feel better about myself academically. I know grades and GPA don’t define intelligence, but it’s been ingrained in me since I was a child to come out on top and be the best at everything I do. That pressure has lessened over the years, but I still very much have an overachiever mindset in the hopes that I’ll feel proud of myself one day.

Enough of that though. Let’s move on.

Job Searching

Yes, even though I’m insane and taking more than the recommended number of classes, I have been trying to look for a job to have a little bit of money on the side while pursuing higher education.

Since I had to quit the prison in order to attend college, I have been trying to look for a job that works for my schedule. My classes typically start around 5 PM and end around 7:30 PM, so a job that ends around 4 or earlier would be perfect for me.

The problem with this is that a lot of professional jobs don’t start until 8-9 which means that I get off around 4:30-5 which es no bueno. That’s not enough time for me to brave traffic and get to class on time, so I’ve had to narrow down my selection quite a lot from that one requirement.

If this wasn’t bad enough, the general job market itself is shit right now. I’ve applied to over 50 jobs, full-time and part-time, and have yet to hear anything back from any of them.

Well, that’s not completely true.

I managed to get a position as a behavioral health tech, but I guess I took too long to procure a CPR certification because within the week, they rescinded the job offer and I had to continue searching.

The next job that I managed to get didn’t pay me for three weeks. They had me working for three weeks and neglected to tell me until the last week I worked that we don’t get paid based on time; we get paid by the case note. Guess who never received a caseload and therefore could not get paid?

ME.

Truly a shame that job was like that. I would have loved working there because the hours worked wonderfully for me and the pay would have been enough to provide for myself and have a little something left over by the end of the month.

As of now, I am still applying to jobs that fit my time restraint and offer a decent hourly wage. I’ve been switching between applying for part-time jobs and full-time, bachelor’s degree minimum jobs with no luck from either.

It’s not like I’m lacking in qualifications or education, so I really don’t understand why they aren’t calling me back or at least sending me an email saying I wasn’t accepted for the position. I’ve heard that around 30% of job postings aren’t real and if that’s true, I’m about to crash out and make it everyone’s problem.

Dating (attempts)

Bear with me on this one.

At the beginning of this year, I decided this was the year I was going to get a partner. I’ve had previous attempts with dating in the past, but for some reason, I was always sent a dubious creature from the universe (aka someone that was not my type nor a good person).

Looking back, I should have said no to all of those people that were trying to court me simply because they weren’t my type. If I don’t like someone, I simply don’t like them and that’s not something I can force. However, I thought to myself,

“Just try it out. They may not look like your type, but maybe their personality will win you over.”

Spoiler alert: that did not happen.

I had one guy say that he wanted to take me to a strip club (I’m ace as hell) and then ghosted me for almost 2 whole semesters before trying to come back into my life. Hell no. I may have low self-worth, but I know my worth enough to know that I’m dealing with someone who can’t properly give me the time of day and thinks they made such an impact in my life that they can just leave and come back as they please.

I am not a restaurant.

Another guy essentially called me a shiny object that he wanted to adore because I’m autistic and he’s never met anyone like me. Objectification is not the way to my heart. To make matters worse, after I got on his case about that, he ghosted me for 3 months then tried sliding back into my life like he never left. Hell to the nah nah nah.

Since then, I’ve had guys off and on try to get with me, ask for my number or Insta, or hit on me, but none of them are the person I imagine myself with.

I want someone who can match my intelligence level and doesn’t feel intimidated by my earning degrees and craving more knowledge. I want someone who isn’t constantly trying to fix me and accepts my illnesses and conditions as they are because they are here to stay. I want someone that can call me out of my bullshit respectfully and not get offended when I do the same thing to them. I want someone that’s going to make me want to be a better person and is going to grow and change with me. I want to someone with goals and aspirations.

To me, these are bottom-of-the-barrel requirements and yet, no one wants to reach them, men, women, non-binary folks alike. The dating scene is just as shit as the job market and by God, am I tired of giving people chances when they are just going to disappoint me.

I feel like I’m not asking for much; the bar is in hell at this point. And yet, people somehow still manage to not reach it.

Truly tragic.

Bonobo Brain

Hehehe. The section header is one of my favorite phrases I’ve stolen from one of best friends.

This phrase essentially means that I’m forgetful, can’t remember shit, have the object permanence of a toddler, and can be a little dumb sometimes. Really, this is just a funnier, more socially accepted way of saying I have ADHD, because I have been clinically diagnosed.

Anyway, the reason why this is a section is because I simply forgot I have a blog and a TikTok page and an Insta page for my creative passions. My original plan was to rotate between uploading on each of the pages, but that goal fell short once college started.

I happen to be horrid at balancing all the things I want and have to do in life and if it’s not right in front of my face all the time, I’m not going to remember it’s in my life (this works for people too; I am so sorry to everyone I’ve ever temporarily forgotten). Because of my lack of proper planning and time management, I focused a good portion of my energy on schoolwork and didn’t put much time into my creative passions like blogging, learning the uke, singing, dancing, and posting.

My goal for next year is to get back on Adderall or another ADHD medication because that’s played a big role in the way this year has felt unorganized, scattered, and spastic. I want to feel more grounded in what I’m doing and not have to fight for my life everything I need/want to concentrate on something. I want to be able to make plans and actually stick to them. I want to be able to be less manic and less depressed because I’m all over the place and that starts with getting my ADHD under control again.

I’ve let this go on for far too long and it’s time I start taking care of myself properly again.

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This post is mostly just me rambling about why I’ve gone and how I plan to do better in the future. I know this isn’t the usual content I post, but I’m hoping someone will at least enjoy reading this post.

Thanks for tuning into another blog post and I’ll see you in the next one!!!